It has been a funny month.
I almost lost my job last month due to my personal drama. As you know, I just recently had my Break up, funny thing, this is my second for this year. hell, i never intend to, nor imagined i’ll be having this kind of horoscope for this year. and moving on is a real pain in the ass. And I just don’t know if this is just me or just a coincidence, but im having the same mechanism of moving on for these two.
for the first one. happened to me sometime in march. The ending of a year and 2 month relationship. good thing I just recently discovered wall climbing. i was able to make myself preoccupied with getting fit and making myself better. I remember scaring my brother to death when he saw me staring at the ceiling and my eye looked like the ones in the horror movie. I was not fully moved on when i met this kid, who became my boyfriend after three days. eventually i moved on. or so i thought.
after almost 4 months I had a breakup again, this time with that kid. i would say, this is one painful break up. Simply because this is my first time to be be cheated on. unlike the other break ups, that i was able to move on because i fell out of love. but with this, it left me hanging. i think that’s what made it hard. but then thank goodness, I was able to get pass through it. though not fully, of course. I would say the feelings have faded, but my insecurities got worse. then here is the similarity with the break up in march
here is Lloyd. He was my long time crush back in my HP days ( my first ever job last year). I am really attracted to fair skinned guys, though was not able to get into a relationship with one. as for me, crushes are just crushes. Can’t be in a relationship with one because surely, i’ll just be insecure, i’ll just get jealous all the time. So, yeah. eventually i was wrong.
He messaged me after a year on Facebook. then we became textmates. then we dated. then i found out he was married but he’s not with his wife anymore. and the roller coaster ride begins. after a month of breakup, here i am again. I know I’m not okay inside. there are a lot of things that i needed to fix. Myself. I’m feeling like i lost my identity after three years of being in a relationship. and here i am again, about to get in with one.
This is just one of those days where you know what you have to do and you know that it is right but doesn’t feel like it. i feel secure with him, and i know he is different. it showed in his tears when i tried to push him away. this is one of those days when you have all your friends and family who tell you what to do next but you can’t just listen. because you know in your heart what happiness means and what you need to do to find it. regardless if it’s right or wrong.